Actually we speak good English, because we were ruled by British, you know..

We Indians are very proud of the fact that we speak English better than people from other nations. True...To a certain extent but since its not our mother tougue we sometimes make hilarious mistakes.
I have listed some of the very funny stuff that I heard...

1) People from every state have their typical accents. My friends from Andhra often confuse the usage of "J" and "Z". For example, if a Telegu guy wanted a person called Jerry to Zero out a certain field in the database by visiting a certain page, this is how he would say
"Zerry, Can you please Jero out the field, by visiting this Paze"

And after that if you would check with him if he did inform Jerry to zero out, he would say "I told the Zerry to Jero out..."

Talking about accents, people from UP and MP tend to add an "e" sound in front of words that start with the S. For example, an UP guy would say
Snow as iSnow
Start as iStart
Stop as iStop
Specifications as iSpecifications
Spa as iSpa

We started calling this UP guy as boolean talker.

Tamil guys, I have noticed say Temporary as Tempravary

Having made fun of people from other states, I should say a few irritating pronunciation mistakes that Mallus make.

Mallus say Man as Maaan, have as Haaave, Van as Vaaan,Office as Oofees etc. For a mallu, a word is not a word unless you give equal importance to each letter in it. For eg, a mallu would say Running as Rrrunningg.


Now some of the amazing goof-ups I noticed or told to me by my friends here...
1)A manager wrote to his boss voicing the concern of his reportees
"Please improve the speed of the connection. Its becoming difficult to maintain the motto of my people"
Hello...You may wanna say "Morale" or "Motivation"...anyways why do you need another motto apart from "Applying Thought"

2) During a meeting, a manager wanted to stop one of his subordinates from speaking. So he said "Sorry, I want to interpret you" and he started speaking..
Boss??? Did u wanna interpret or interrupt me?

3) A manager wanted to tell his reportee to invite all the concerned people to a meeting. This is what he said..."Please dont forget to invite all Shakeholders"
Shakeholders??? What kind of shakes do they hold boss? Milkshakes ??

And finally the clincher..
One guy wanted to tell the Operations folks to execute a series of jobs at certain times. This is what he wrote

Hi,
Please execute the blow jobs regularly without fail
PFPDOXOX Daily
PWPDZ22 Saturday...
........


And finally...
Q: What would you call an amazing Telegu speaking Tennis player ?
A: Andhra Aggasi