The Open Cracks

I have always appreciated the efficiency of the systems in US, the roads, the courtesy of the people etc etc...
But there are some things which I found annoying and their restrooms make it to the top of the list.

What the hell do they think when they build their toilets?

They seem to have implemented the concept of modular toilets. This means that there are no hard walls between seats. The walls extend from roughly your head (of an average Indian) to your calf muscles. This also means you can see the feet of your neighbour. You can watch all his movements and know exactly the staus of his progress. Hmmm..

There is a small gap between door and the part where the latch locks. This ensures you can see everyone moving around the toilet area. Sometimes you would see people peeking thru that gap to check if someone is seated.
You can never relax and relieve yourself because you are always conscious of your surroundings. Is someone looking ? What will they think ? Shit..You cannot concentrate..;-)

Now the worst part. Sometimes you are subject to dolby sound effects from your neighbouring area. Mind you these Americans are so huge and eat like hell. So they can give out quite a thunder. Now that can be quite disturbing :-)

I know America is the land of freedom of expression and speech and with porous borders. But should they implement that in their toilets?? Nahhhh !!!!

Mera Bharat Mahan !!!

Bombay Girls for sale on EBay !!!
I was reading an article on Times of India about the plight of the Mumbai Bar Girls who are out of jobs.
Below the article was the Google Ad which caught my eye.
See for yourself the ad for deals on Bombay girls on eBay, thanks to google.

QuAcks

I have often wondered why we never have quality in real terms in the IT service industry. In other industries, you have theories on Quality management and we see those theories being put to use.
We have theories IT Service industry too but it never seems to work!!!
I decided to look at QA teams that I work or worked with and analyze why they never worked!! I realized that we don’t really care for the profile of the people working as Quality management personnel.

Story 1

A mid level HR person was bored with her role as a HR. She decided it’s the time to go to Amreekka. After all all the people that she has recruited go to US. She tells her boss (Head of HR) of her concern.
Boss: Hmm...In what capacity will we send you to US? You are not technical and neither were in Project Management before......Hmmm..Lemme think....Yes !!! You can go as a QA. Since you are a HR you can be a QA for Peoplesoft projects. Wait, let me call Prakash....the head of Peoplesoft group

Boss dials Prakash's cell phone....

Vijay: Prakash, this is Vijay Sinha
Prakash: Hello sir...What’s happening?
Boss: I need a help sir..
Prakash: Whats it sir?
Boss: Do you have a requirement for a HR functional person for an onsite position?
Prakash:Hmm...Not really. Anyways who is the person Vijay?
Boss: You know Meghna Rawat don't you?
Prakash: Oh yah yah...but she is a HR rite?
Vijay: Yes. Exactly..She has domain knowledge in this area. She needs onsite exposure.
Prakash:Hmm..Actually we want someone with some Techno-functional background you know...(Thinks for a second...) I think I can fit her in a role as a QA..
Boss: (Excited..) Exactly Prakash...This is what I though too...Great minds think alike Sir.
Prakash:(Hesitantly)..Ok..Does she have a visa?
Boss: We can start the process. (Puts phone on speaker)...Meghna, get started with it will you? Will you contact Shanta. She will help you get started… ( I had to run behind my boss for 50 days to get a Invitation letter…HRs always have their way...)
Prakash: She will need to be trained here in offshore for sometime in basic peoplesoft HRMS...You see we have people who are with experience and you know it will be a bit difficult for us to push her to an onsite role bypassing them.You know that right?
Boss: I know that..Anyways its for a QA role.
Thus a HR who used to sign experience letters and give fundas to new joinees on their benefits gets transformed into a Peoplesoft functional expert by just one call.
One Call That’s All…

Story 2

Ramesh and Jyothi are a couple in the same company. They both have US visas but they stay in different cities in the US. It has been that way and they are fed up. They want to stay in the same place together in the US.
Ramesh is a critical resource. The company cannot afford to lose him. He tells his boss of his concern. And says that he will need to look for other opportunities where they pay him more so that his wife can quit her job and join him.
Boss gets concerned...

Boss: Hey Ramesh..dont take any hasty decisions man...we can work it out..
Ramesh: How ?
Boss: Let me see if we can place your wife in this project?
Ramesh: How? She is a mainframe resource and this is all ERP.
Boss: We can make her the QA...(laughs triumphantly having found a solution)
Ramesh: Cool...
Boss: Lets target for the end of this month...

What a quick solution !!!

If a person does not know anything, then in the IT industry he can be a QA. If a person does not know technology or functionality...No problem. Make him the QA.

This is how companies appoint “Quality” people to projects.

Bragger Vs Bloggers

The blogging community would be shocked by now to see the twist in the IIPM Vs Bloggers war. While I am shocked beyond belief at Gaurav Sabnis's decision, I can't help laugh at the puerile nature of operations by IIPM and its chelas.

I decided to take a look at the profile of India's self declared " economist, management guru, author, social thinker, and a daring entrepreneur all rolled into one enigmatic personality"

He was a Gold Medalist all his life (The fact to be noted is that he was in his baap's college all his life)
If my father had a college, even I would be a Gold medalist.Arre gold kya, I would be a Platinum medalist.

Its like if Rahul Gandhi were to say how much he struggled to get the Amethi Lok Sabha ticket from Congress party :-)

I was surprised by the amount of Brag the website carried. First of all his website has the title "Websiteorg".

Now our brag king was awarded Management Guru award by Om Venkatesa Society chennai which is quite in the league of E&Y,Accenture, Bearing Point, Cambridge, Harvard etc (Pun Intended).
Curiosity got the better of me and I decided to search for Om Venkatesa Society Chennai in Google.
Guess What I found ??

I found many sites which carried this news of our brag guru receiving this prestigious award. Not a single link pointing to the prestigious academy/Org/Institute (whatever)!!! If someone finds the link please let me know !!
Amazing !!!

Someone once said "Empty Vessels Make More Noise" and here's a classic example.

Hail Freedom of Speech !!

Actually we speak good English, because we were ruled by British, you know..

We Indians are very proud of the fact that we speak English better than people from other nations. True...To a certain extent but since its not our mother tougue we sometimes make hilarious mistakes.
I have listed some of the very funny stuff that I heard...

1) People from every state have their typical accents. My friends from Andhra often confuse the usage of "J" and "Z". For example, if a Telegu guy wanted a person called Jerry to Zero out a certain field in the database by visiting a certain page, this is how he would say
"Zerry, Can you please Jero out the field, by visiting this Paze"

And after that if you would check with him if he did inform Jerry to zero out, he would say "I told the Zerry to Jero out..."

Talking about accents, people from UP and MP tend to add an "e" sound in front of words that start with the S. For example, an UP guy would say
Snow as iSnow
Start as iStart
Stop as iStop
Specifications as iSpecifications
Spa as iSpa

We started calling this UP guy as boolean talker.

Tamil guys, I have noticed say Temporary as Tempravary

Having made fun of people from other states, I should say a few irritating pronunciation mistakes that Mallus make.

Mallus say Man as Maaan, have as Haaave, Van as Vaaan,Office as Oofees etc. For a mallu, a word is not a word unless you give equal importance to each letter in it. For eg, a mallu would say Running as Rrrunningg.


Now some of the amazing goof-ups I noticed or told to me by my friends here...
1)A manager wrote to his boss voicing the concern of his reportees
"Please improve the speed of the connection. Its becoming difficult to maintain the motto of my people"
Hello...You may wanna say "Morale" or "Motivation"...anyways why do you need another motto apart from "Applying Thought"

2) During a meeting, a manager wanted to stop one of his subordinates from speaking. So he said "Sorry, I want to interpret you" and he started speaking..
Boss??? Did u wanna interpret or interrupt me?

3) A manager wanted to tell his reportee to invite all the concerned people to a meeting. This is what he said..."Please dont forget to invite all Shakeholders"
Shakeholders??? What kind of shakes do they hold boss? Milkshakes ??

And finally the clincher..
One guy wanted to tell the Operations folks to execute a series of jobs at certain times. This is what he wrote

Hi,
Please execute the blow jobs regularly without fail
PFPDOXOX Daily
PWPDZ22 Saturday...
........


And finally...
Q: What would you call an amazing Telegu speaking Tennis player ?
A: Andhra Aggasi

Fall - The Most beautiful Season


Alpine Loop in UTAH on US92. Nature played with paint and brush



A Valley of Aspens in the Alpine loop



A carpet of Red Maple leaves on a beautiful trail


A forest of Aspens. We hit the road at the peak. One week later they would all be gone


Nebo Loop. Another scenic drive in Utah.


Red and Yellow - Nebo loop


Nice picture of the Nebo valley taken by Rahulan

The IRAN Vote

Every article that I read seems to strongly oppose India's decision to vote against Iran in the IAEA meeting. I was surprised not to see any one person write in support of the brave decision. I think the decision was a landmark policy shift in our international diplomacy. For once I support a decision made by this Congress government.
Let me point out the reasons why this decision by India was a landmark

1) India's traditional Non Aligned status has not worked out very well in the past. It alienated United States and many advanced european nations. India formed an alliance in which it seemed like a leader of developing countries..all african countries etc. What did we get from these nations who are not capable of standing on their own feet? With this vote India has moved on from this image of indecisive week kneed country.

2) India's status as a growing responsible economy needs to be augmented with such careful decisions which do not cause too much harm in terms of relationship but at the same time gives confidence to US that India is a partner that can be trusted.

3) Iran is still ruled by fundamentalist Islamists. Nuclear power in such hands can be very very dangerous

4) Talking about the gas deal, it will go on as the amount involved in that is billions. Which government would want to kill such a deal for a fricking vote? Its business at the end of the day and Iran would not be foolhardy to kill such a deal

5) First time, a Congress govt has not done something to appease the minority and the Islamic world

I read an article in rediff about how Iran saved India from a motion raised by Pakistan against human right violation in Kashmir. India in 1994 was a nation that was struggling to come out of the socialistic policies. There were not many multinationals here. The forex reserves would have been in single digits. India was an unimportant country then. But today as we slowly move towards market economy, our power is being recognized by US and european nations. Today none of them would support Pakistan or any Arab nation to raise such a motion.

In politics and diplomacy there is no such thing as long term relationship. India by voting against Iran has moved from its usual indecisive stance and moved into a new position of an opinionated developing nation.